Nothing Important Happened Today

2007-06-26T22:27:00.000+09:30

so let's see if I can post!

Internal ramblings of a rambler!

2006-12-09T10:24:00.000+10:30

In the wee hours of Thursday morning (2.23am to be exact) I sat watching Buffy in the dark, specifically “Once more with feeling” and as I sang along my theatrical exploits felt inadequate! My mind drifted back to the last catestrophic play that I wrote and thought “what was I thinking?!” it should never have been seen by a mass public.

So I sat contemplating my future, as I realize I am intending to do yet another Fringe and have been merrily typing away at my spanking new laptop attempting to write yet another masterpiece. Some days I feel like Ed Wood, I have the passion but the creative side just isn’t oozing out of all pores. Oh curse my ability to wrap packages all pretty like and be unable to write a simple script that engages an audience and direct a play that creates a stir.

In 3 months another Fringe will be upon me and if I’m really honest, the enthusiasm just isn’t there. I remember my first Fringe, a mixture of fear and excitement, I felt a part of something grand, but now the sparkle is gone. I can’t help but feel it will again disappoint, and again I will feel inadequate and a wannabe has been.

As I try to pin down my partner in crime with little success (a master procrastinator) my desire to be involved is shrinking. I don’t want to lead the merry band into the unknown, I don’t want the responsibility or to have to make the decisions. Instead I want to enjoy the ride, something I haven’t been able to do in such a long time.

But I am a control freak and to be honest I couldn’t just sit back.

“Charlotte, stop your whinging and just enjoy yourself! Stop worrying about whether or not the critics are going to like it and tickets get sold!”

On with the show.

follow the white rabbit . . .

2006-12-05T10:50:00.000+10:30

and all will be revealed

Dedicated to Beardo & Sir Shorn!

2006-11-27T15:03:00.000+10:30

Two retired professors were vacationing with their wives at a hotel in the Catskills. They were sitting on the veranda one summer evening, watching the sun set.

The history professor asked the psychology professor, "Have you read Marx?"

To which the professor of psychology replied, "Yes and I think it's these pesky wicker chairs."

The Wisdom of Teeth

2006-08-06T03:08:00.001+09:30

This week I went through the most harrowing experience of my 29 years, teeth extraction!
Some would probably scoff, proclaiming that there are more harrowing things and they have been through them. For me, however, this superseded any broken heart or broken bone or tragic event that can occur in a person's lifetime.

I have never undergone any major dental work before in my life, no fillings, no root canals, no chipped tooth, nada, zip, nothing! That is until this week when I finally went in to have two wisdom teeth removed. To say I was scared is an understatement, I was petrified of the unknown and wanted to be completely unaware of what was happening.

Lying in the dentist's chair I was jabbed in the hand, applied with suctions on my foot and arms (to monitor my vital signs?!) and had a oxygen tube stuck up my nose before the rather brutish anaesthesiologist said that the anaesthesia should be kicking in and the curtains will probably appear wavy at which point I saw the tray of utensils rolled in. I was completely knocked out, that is until I came to, five minutes too early, the bloody dentist was still working in my mouth! Although I felt no pain I was aware of what was going on and felt completely helpless as I was unable to communicate my consciousness to those in the room. once the dentist finished up I stumbled into the recovery room with two people holding me up and the whole time I was crying at the fact that I became aware during the procedure. I lay in a large recliner chair and all I could think about was that I wanted my mummy which threw me back to when I was ten and stung by a jellyfish (although on that occasion I was crying for my daddy). I was 29 and one dental procedure turned me into a ten year old again!

I have now spent the past 2 days with my left cheek the size of a melon [literally], and today although the swelling has subsided somewhat, I have looked like one of those chubby 6 month old babies. The worst is that I cannot open my mouth very wide at all (I can't fit a teaspoon in there) so sustenance has been somewhat of an issue. Last night I cried through sheer frustration as I couldn't get my darn teaspoon of soup into my mouth without half of it dripping down my chin. This has all probably been exacerbated due to the fact that I have quit smoking and as most know, reformed smokers substitute the evil cigarette with food, that is if they can open their mouth to get the food in.

Today I realised I was so sick of jelly and custard (my main source of food) as I have also been drinking lemonade as suggested by the nurse to give me energy. I never thought it would be possible to abhor sweet things but I do. I ended up making mashed potato after an attempt at eating mashed avocado went horribly wrong. It was the best darn mash I have ever made and tasted and it is the first time in 3 days that I have actually eaten a whole bowl (granted a small one) of something rather than a couple of spoonfuls.

I greeted a census worker with my puffy face and a very loud "bravo" goes out to her for not even raising an eyebrow at my swollen bruised faced. She acted as though everything was normal even though I could hardly talk!

The pain killers have been a god send basically knocking me out, you pop two and then you're out like a light! I can feel the dissolvable stitches and it's gross and ALL my teeth hurt except where they pulled the teeth out. I think myself fortunate that I didn't have four wisdom teeth, that would have been sheer hell even though hubby reckons I've been nothing but cute through all of this. Believe me both he and I are surprised, we had both excepted me to be a really irritable bitch to put it nicely. Somehow (and I don't know how) I have managed to be sweet and cute!

Day four has now started and the left side of my face is still puffy but mainly from the bruising and I can still only open my mouth the width of my fore finger. Finally, all I can think about is a fat juicy steak with a crunchy salad on the side.

I'm craving serious food people!

Charlii Fandango signing off

Leaky wallets and secondhand fridges

2006-07-26T14:00:00.000+09:30

I have spent what could be considered a pro-active morning working out my budget (yet again). I have been trying to (rather desperately) save money but I cannot seem to patch up the invisible hole in my wallet, I am leaking money but haven't a clue where from. So once more I put my Excel skills to use and punch numbers in the hope that money can be saved. 12 months is a long time to go without anything!

Hubby and I are planning to buy a house, I am not sure how people get themselves into a position to do that. Do they sacrafice financially for years or is my perception on house buying completed screwed up? It is time to see a financial advisor, according to Kimb this is a sign of adulthood.

Sir Shorn should be knocking on my door any minute to deliver a secondhand fridge as my current secondhand fridge is crap and smells. Sure cleaning it would probably fix the smell but it has gotten beyond any kind of refurbishment and so it will be lovingly placed on our front lawn to be taken by those mystery men of hard waste. It is very exciting to get a fridge that actually works, no more sniffing food to see if it has gone off even though you only purchased it three days ago. New secondhand fridge also provides me with motivation to clean my kitchen and laundry room.

Our kitchen is much cleaner than it used to be. We instigated "cleaning of the dishes every night" and who would have thought that that would be a much better way to do it! We've kept it going for two weeks (a record for us) and it looks like it's here to stay. Now all I need to do is convince myself to clean all the floors at least once a week.

1 hour later. . .

A favourite phrase of ALL women is "I have nothing to wear!" I am guilty of saying this but after sorting out my wardrobe it is a porposterous statement for me to make considering it takes 3 closets to house my clothes. The key, I have decided, is to be organised, if you can see your clothes you can figure out what to wear. If your clothes are sitting in laundry baskets and on surfaces of course you have nothing to wear.

Sir Shorn is still to knock on my door with the secondhand fridge. . .

I just discovered my keyboard has a button that when pressed opens the calculator, necessary? Not sure, but definately cool.

I've run out of coathangers, a definate stumbling block as I have more clothes to hang. I'm sure if I wanted to I could continue with sorting out my clothes, but with no coathangers this is going to make things difficult. So instead I choose to put aside my productive "sort of clothes" for a more productive "sort out junk".

Okay, sorting out junk is not a plan as I have no where to put the junk as hubby forgot to put the bin out for the dustman. I may have to end my pro-active day.

How about those Socceroos!

2006-06-23T08:53:00.000+09:30

I was awoken from my slumber this morning to the news that the Socceroos were going through to the second round. I went all fuzzy, and it is the first time I have felt like supporting Australia. Sporting events usually sees me supporting any team but Australia, so I think maybe my tastes are changing.

I watched the Australia / Brazil game and after some confusion (I found myself cheering for Brazil thinking they were Australia) was midly surprised at how well Australia held its own. At the start of the second half of that game I actually found myself thinking that Australia could actually win! Alas, it didn't happen with a couple of lucky goals, one by "Fred" who appeared from nowhere.

As I dawdled into work this morning, there were splashes of green and yellow through the city and the occasional Australian flag worn as a cap. As I stopped to briefly watch the Japan / Brazil game being screened in Rundle Mall I actually thought "wouldn't it be funny if Australia won the World Cup". Not such an offbeat idea, look at all the underdogs in 2002 who caused a minor upset.

Can the Socceroos battle through and win the world cup? I am going to be overly optimistic and say Yes. As we know anything is possible, and we have seen enough movies where the underdog takes everyone by surprise.

I've experienced being an underdog in a sporting event - softball to be precise. I was 14 years old and played in an international schools tourament. Everybody laughed at us because we wore soccer uniforms instead of softball uniforms, and the other teams made the mistake of thinking we were pushovers. We ended up coming third (I still have the medal!) and those teams that lost were stunned and protesting"but they wore soccer uniforms".

Go you socceroos, I have faith but if you don't win this year there is always 2010!

charlii fandango signing off

Karaoke for the Deaf

2006-06-22T13:06:00.000+09:30

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3606705564282438232

Me

2006-05-25T17:41:00.000+09:30

Today I didn't feel ugly.

I have always felt ugly, I look in the mirror and see a troll staring back. I've never had any skill when it comes to fashion, I am useless at applying make-up and I always get the same recurring pimples. Let's also not forget that I have had one disasterous hair cut after the other and the various hair colours I have picked out have never suited.

But today I didn't feel ugly. I wonder why that is? Nothing has changed except I didn't see a troll looking back, so I smiled.

I can't smile, every photo depicts a grimace and my mouth naturally frowns. But I have a pure smile that usually only my husband sees, but today I got to see it to.

And now I am laughing at the stupidity of it all and suddenly I realise I am content. I have never felt content before, I've always been on edge about one thing or another, unable to relax.

Today I was happy.

My Ma

2006-05-09T17:38:00.000+09:30

My Ma is a strange bird, but for all her quirks I love her tremedously.

So Ma decides to buy my hubby dearest a birthday present (as you do) and picks out a novel called Crash while at the boutique book store. She quickly reads the blurb then passes it to me to get my thoughts,

"Do you think your hubby would like this" she asks.

I skim the blurb and respond "Yes, looks like it may be along the same lines as Phillip K. Dick's books which hubby likes."

So hubby gets birthday present and settles down for what turned out to be more a disturbing read rather than an interesting one. Turns out Ma and I didn't really read the blurb as thoroughly as we should have!

Hubby gets to page 12 and decides that the book just isn't for him saying "I don't know why your Ma thought I would like this! It's about a guy who crashes cars and then has sex with the dead bodies."

Poor Ma would have a stroke if she knew THAT was the kind of book she had purchased.

And here is the blurb:

"In this hallucinatory novel, the car provides the hellish tableau in which Vaughan, a 'TV Scientist' experiments with erotic atrocities among crash victims, each more sinister than the last: Ultimately, he craves a union of blood, semen and engine coolant in a head-on collision with Elizabeth Taylor."

Now how did Ma and I not pick up on what this book was about?

Lazy Sundays

2006-05-09T17:33:00.000+09:30

Sunday is "Big Breakfast" at a quaint little cafe called Everest. So on this particular Sunday (the one just gone) I am enjoying waffles (in the style of Donkey from Shrek) when an older hippy dude walks past and spies a chikko roll wrapper. He looks at it as if pondering what to do and then arduously drags it along the pavement with his foot over towards a bin. Well imagine my surprise when he doesn't bend down and deposit rubbish in bin, instead he goes for a home run and shoves the wrapper into the street! What the?!

Strange but true.

So very tired. . .

2006-05-03T18:34:00.005+09:30

The last few days have been hell and to top it all off, last night I dreamt about being pregnant, which scared the absolute shit out of me (as it always does). Why am I so tired you ask, well I have been [attempting] training newbies at my work for the past three days and they are driving me bonkers, as well as giving me sore feet.

I never understood until now how frustrating it can be to try and impart skills to those that haven't got a clue. I feel guilty for being so harsh but I just can't help it, how hard is it to use your brain cells. Obviously really hard if after day 3 you still just don't get it.

Tomorrow, I go through it all again and now I just want to cry. I am banging a very frustrated head against a very hard brick wall wondering if it is even worth continuing on.

If only I had the nerve to call in sick.

Today is the first day that I have not liked my job.

If I had a $1,000,000

2006-05-02T21:15:00.000+09:30

I was standing in my kitchen this evening making a banana smoothie and eyeballing my dishes. I hate dishes, and I couldn't help but question why I always live in houses that have no dishwasher. Dishwasher's should be mandatory and then I wouldn't have to wash the dishes!

My eyes then averted to my once more flooded laundry room. I am incapable of doing any type of washing without the room flooding, apparently it is a pipe issue and has something to with tree roots. The easy answer would be to go to a laundromat but why do that when I have a washing machine, so I eyeball the pool of water once more.

Then the Barenaked Ladies enter my head as I start humming 'If I had a $1,000,000', now if I had written that song I would have been singing about getting a maid and driver rather than buying a monkey and a green dress.

If I had a $1,000,000 I would ensure that I never had to clean again and that I always had a lift home to my comfy bed when drunk. Some would argue that is what taxi's are for but quite frankly I don't trust them.

And now I look at my carpet and think, I really have to vacuum.

EMO Chicks

2006-04-30T17:33:00.000+09:30

Sunday mornings I sit with the gang and have a slap up breakfast which includes a rap up of the week from each of us. I was chowing down on my waffles and ice-cream when a pack of Emo chicks strolled past and our banter changed.

Emo Chicks and what they wear:

The first thing you notice is that they are all identical (pack mentality) no individuality expressed although I am sure they would argue that there are subtle differences but to my untrained eye I could not see any. Next, why do they insist on wearing the fashion disaster of the black skin tight jeans that look terrible on everybody! The jeans are low waisted so the undies are visible (never a good look) and they do nothing but make a chick's butt look really huge, as I commented to Pip they should have a bumper sticker on their arse that says "wide load"! Why are these horrible black jeans the staple of the Emo 'uniform'? I will have to get up the courage one day to actually ask as my imagination has yet to come up with an adequate theory. 'Over weight girls should never wear horizontal stripes' and the same could be said for no girl should ever wear tight hugging black jeans, and if they insist on it for heaven's sake don't stick things in the pockets!

Do Emo chicks think they are rebelling? Oddly enough they are a cross between goth and punk - nothing new they've simply mogrelized the two looks.

Emo chicks take note - try a little individual expression - to the untrained eye you look exactly the same (even their hairstyles are identical). Oh and don't forget to burn those black jeans, you'll thank me when you do!

Family

2006-04-24T19:02:00.000+09:30

Oh the joy of family* gatherings! Repeating the same story of what you have been up to, explaining why your husband could not make it and of course drinking too much alcohol. You would have been fine had it not been for those last 2 glasses of wine (evil wine) and the lack of food that day. Then the next day paranoia wondering if you are getting stares of recrimination, looks followed by a "tut, tut". Desperately trying to fill in those small patches of blank from the night before, to ensure that you had not said or done anything too awful.

Alcohol is bad around family, your tongue becomes too loose and when you have lost time, you just hope your mixed up speech and sudden confidence doesn't lead you astray.

Then there is the 9.30am call for a family photo the next day, you feel sick but still drag yourself out of bed (which is a really bad idea) to stand rather shaken under the heat of the sun. Half way through you realise this was a really bad idea and worry that the contents of the night before may end up on some unsuspecting cousin thus exasserbating the situation. You feel light headed and make a dash for the bushes - even more paranoia - is there further recrimination. Won't someone please send me home or rewind the clock.

Alas no.

And now you sit on a plane replaying the weekend, head in hand and sigh wondering if you can go ten years without seeing them again and hope that that is enough time for them all to have forgot.

*family being immediate and extended.

Tight Arse Tuesday

2006-04-19T19:45:00.000+09:30

Yes, I have another blog!!! DA DA DAH

http://tighttuesday.blogspot.com/

Visit now and link!!!

A little tale

2006-04-19T18:39:00.000+09:30

I started thinking today, dangerous I know, but after reading Sir Shorn's lastest post I couldn't help thinking about the decisions we make in life and how those decisions lead us down certain paths.

This thought led me of course back to "Karaoke" and that rather fateful couple of months of my life. Secretly I wanted to throw in the towel, but for some reason I kept perservering even though I was frustrated and stressed with the whole darn thing. Now I wonder if the only purpose for me continuing with Karaoke, listening to that little voice telling me to continue the journey, was so that Sir Shorn and Pip could meet?

If I had never done Karaoke, I would possibly have never met Sir Shorn, who in turn may never have met Pip. Now I am not saying that it's all because of me, but would they still have met?

So if the only purpose to do "Karaoke" was so that Sir Shorn and Pip could met I'm glad I listened to the voice because it turns out not to have been the failure I had perceived. Rather it was an unanticipated success that I can now only see.

Of course this all goes back a little further than the fateful "Karaoke", all the way back to Lexxicon and my "friendship growing pains" that saw me desperately wanting to throw in the towel again! (mainly due to embarrassment!) - (anyone seeing a pattern here?). If Lexxicon had not refused to let me just walk away (and for some strange reason made the decision to clinge onto and try to fix our ailing friendship) then I would never have met Beardo. The reason I would never have met Beardo is because I would never have done "10 Minutes" and therefore would never have met Pablo and Jarrod.

And if I had never met Beardo, I would never have met Pip which probably means I would never have met Sir Shorn either because I wouldn't have done Karaoke.

So really the true hero in this story is Lexxicon. Why he made the decision he did, to not let me toss it all aside and walk away I will never know, but if he hadn't things would be alot different!

Would we all still have met? Possibly, but more likely not.

Hats off to Lexxicon!!!

And where are the characters of my story now?

Beardo and Charlie are happily married
Pip and Sir Shorn fell in love and are now talking marriage
Lexxicon became an Uncle!

The End

Let's dance

2006-04-12T21:23:00.000+09:30

Why is it . . . .

2006-04-07T15:47:00.000+09:30

That people who comment on my blog also end up brawling on my blog?!

Tis' a mystery?

This came as an email. . . . .

2006-04-05T16:02:00.000+09:30

Just in case you wanted to know this:

On Thursday the 4th of next month (may), at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00 in the morning, the time and date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06.

That won't ever happen again.

You may now return to your (normal ?) life.

Things to do before I am 30

2006-04-05T10:56:00.000+09:30

Play air hockey (DONE)
Shoot a gun (In Progress)
Play lawn bowls
Host a scavenger hunt [just because they're fun!]
Swim with the dolphins [simply because it is the #1 thing to do before you die]
Ride a camel
ride in a hot air balloon
Get on TV
Become skinny
Quit smoking

There are the first 10 - now I just need 20 more.

Suggestions are being taken and those that don't completely freak me out will be added. Once I have 30, I will design a huge "to do" chart and my task is to complete everything listed.

Let the fun begin!!!

Pig

2006-04-03T09:32:00.000+09:30

He who shall not be named part II

2006-04-03T07:11:00.000+09:30

I have finally come face to face with the person I dislike most in the world. He's landed on his feet, good, I can get my money back finally.

I will never again in my life call this person a friend, the trust is gone and I have never given my hand in friendship lightly and certainly don't appreciate having it bitten off.

So I think HE can continue to pay back what he owes (if that is his intention - remember the trust is gone) and then he can fuck off into the oblivion of crappy friendships I have had. Let him find other people to socialise with cause the only time I want to see him is if he is putting money in my hand.

And if my buddy lexxicon defends the guy one more fucking time I will become a crazed looney as I am sick and tired of feeling like the bad guy!

Viking madness

2006-04-01T13:59:00.000+10:30

Last night was my good friend Liexxicon's birthday Viking bash. It was a rip roaring evening where I actually came out of my shell briefly to meet a new person (I really should do more of this). The highlight of t he evening was most definately THE PIG that had spent most of the party leisurely rotating over hot coals. Once the announcement was made that the pig was ready everybody dived in with knives in hand to cut the flesh from the carcass and eat it.

As far as food goes at parties (and I have been known to put on a good spread) Lexx has blown every other party out of the water with his Pig on a Spit.

A definate crowd pleaser and should be considered for all parties.

***** (five stars!)

He who shall not be named!

2006-03-31T12:54:00.000+10:30

I just saw him, the person who last year made me feel like a fool and now owes me $749. I haven’t seen him for quite a few months and the last thing I wanted was to spy him after having such a nice lunch and winning $19 on the scratchies.

It is not the fact that I saw him (I had resolved the whole hating him issue several months ago). It is the fact that I saw him wearing a suit, silk tie, carrying a briefcase and Myer bag. It is the fact that he was wearing money, my money!!!!

**breathe Charlie**

So the current rumour circulating is that he is intending to pay me some of what is owed, tonight at a party we will both be attending.

I had every intention of being polite and somewhat nice, but how can I do that when seeing him in such a way has turned me into a ranting looney. I am now plotting his demise!

What I hate most, is someone that has such little regard for those around him (who considered him as a friend) has happily landed on his feet. HE shouldn’t be happy, HE should be miserable, why isn’t he miserable?

To reiterate, I am struggling with cash flow and he is wearing a silk tie.

This is when you are assaulted with the knowledge yet again that life just isn’t fair.

And now I have to get back to work even though all I really want to do is viciously punch a boxing bag with his face pinned on it.

Avoid everything

2006-03-31T00:30:00.000+10:30

In the not so wee hours of the morning (it's not even midnight yet) I find myself consumed with self doubt about pretty much everything. The biggest self esteem crusher (for me at least) seems to be discovering other people my age being more together and having what sounds like fantastic jobs and fantastic lives. I'm not saying my life is not fantastic but come on! why can't I have a little bit of success followed by heaps of money. Why am I stuck struggling?

It has to be either, these other "hit the jackpot" people are telling the truth or a grandious lie is being spun that has the overwhelming affect of depressing several of their own age group.

But maybe there is a third and the real truth is they are simply lying about their age and I still have at least a good 10 years left in my attempt to be remotely successful with a reasonable stash under the mattress.

I would like something to go as dreamed or planned.

**I am trying to remember if I have broken a mirror in the past seven years**

Who am I kidding I can't even write and my attempt to briefly dye my hair blue turned into a disaster, oh and don't forget the two "smelling of crap" plays that I insulted all other playwrights by having the gumption to put on a stage in front of an unknowing audience. They probably needed therapy afterwards.

Self loathing, now that's what I'm good at!!!!

next thing is how can I turn it into cash?

The most disturbing thing for me to realise is that maybe I am not destined for greatness like I had always dreamed, perhaps I am soley meant to be a witness to greatness - I am doomed to be sidelined to "audience" status.

Suddenly I feel really small.

It has begun. . .

2006-03-30T16:10:00.000+10:30

Casualties from Cyclone Larry

2006-03-30T15:16:00.000+10:30

WHATEVER YOU CAN DO,
OR DREAM YOU CAN DO,
BEGIN IT.
BOLDNESS HAS
GENIUS, POWER
AND MAGIC IN IT.

[GOETHE]

Pool God vs. Audrey

2006-03-27T17:22:00.001+10:30

So Pool God and Audrey have entered the boxing ring yet again and at this stage it seems like neither of them will stay down for the count.

So here is a special post for the both of you to comment on!

Shall we see who can have the last word and how many comments they can run up between them!

Hair day

2006-03-27T17:22:00.000+10:30

Today I cut my hair or I should say paid a hairdresser to cut my hair.

And the dilemma is . . .

2006-03-24T13:43:00.001+10:30

A non-descript person walks up to you on a crowded street. In their hand is a leather brief case, which they hold to their chest. The conversation goes something like this:

Person: I have a million dollars in this brief case.

You: That's nice.

Person: would you like One Million Dollars?

You: Who wouldn't!

Person: Would you like this One Million Dollars?

You: [you think as you know that there has to be a catch] What's the catch?

Person: I will give you this briefcase with One Million dollars in it but you can never see any of your friends again - and if you do see any of your friends you will have to give back the one million dollars including anything purchased with it.

You: [insert answer here]

**So what would you do?**

100th Post

2006-03-24T13:29:00.000+10:30

Well the doggy yoda pic was actually my 100th post on this blog and a celebration is in order. I didn't have enough time to bake a cake so I've borrowed one!

[Insert Weird Al song here]

2006-03-17T11:29:00.000+10:30

Chapter One

2006-03-16T00:28:00.000+10:30

Who am I?
Alas not a simple question to answer.
Why not?
Because I am still discovering who I am.

My sense of direction is shocking, ask anyone who knows me and because of this I have taken many long and probably unnecessary life detours to get where I am today. Of course you’re now expecting me to regale you with boastful stories of my successful career and life in general, however, I have another story to impart on the world. A story that is shouted many times over upon deft ears.

I remember year nine, I was 14 years old, finally in senior school, afraid of the seniors, had a crush on a 15 year old and pondering that years Christmas list. With the occasional glance at my books and my hectic social life that pretty much summed up 14 for me. Then one day the games had to stop, suddenly at 14 I was expected to make a decision that would alter the course of my entire life. I had to decide what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Then I wake up and I’m 27 and have finally answered the question that is I hope so because my ambitions have deceived me before. I want to be a writer, but how does one do that? Sure I’ve written a few plays and some witty banter but I had never considered writing as a career till now. I curse my creative streak or lack of.

Sometimes I wish I could be happy just doing a run of the mill, 9 to 5 job that pays me a reasonable salary, but seven hours of none self inflicted boredom just doesn’t appeal to me. I am either irresponsible or wise because I hold onto the idea that work is not the be all and end all of existence. As the saying goes “work to live, not live to work”, to my eyes it would appear that most people live to work, do the math.

There are 24 hours in a day.
8 hours is dedicated to work
8 hours dedicated to sleep
2 hours dedicated to getting to and from work
1 hour dedicated to getting ready for work
1 hour dedicated to getting unready after work
20 hours is now lost.
1 hour to cook and eat dinner
3 hours left.
What can someone do in 3 hours?
No wonder depression is fast becoming the second largest illness.

Of course people argue that “we have the weekends” but I know from my own experience that weekends just aren’t long enough. You’re too darn tired from the week to actually think about doing anything because you’re too brain dead from your boring mundane job.

Decision

2006-03-14T11:04:00.000+10:30

I have made a very important decision:

Sunday 19th March will be the very last day that I smoke. Monday 20th I intend to give up. Now this is a big step as I have never actually attempted to quit before!

Soon I shall be vice free - I'm excited!!

Addendum

I had intend to have a rather witty discussion on another topic but couldn't remember the witty discussion I wanted to write due to the death of too many brain cells.

Stupidity

2006-03-09T18:02:00.001+10:30

I found this article on ninemsn (http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=88296) and all I could think about was the bloody stupidity of it all! it's all right to show sex and violence but say the word 'bloody' and ohhh you get banned!

'Bloody hell' UK bans Aussie tourism ads
Thursday Mar 9 18:08 AEDT

British broadcasting authorities have banned the use of the latest advertisements promoting Australian tourism, which feature the slogan "Where the bloody hell are you?"

Federal Tourism Minister Fran Bailey said in a statement the ban by the UK's Broadcast Advertising Clearance Centre was comical.

"How anyone can take offence at a beautiful girl in a bikini on a sunny beach inviting them to visit Down Under is a mystery to me," Ms Bailey said.

Tourism Australia managing director Scott Morrison said he understood UK free-to-air TV stations had been refused permission to use the ads.

"We know from our research and all the research we did over there that people are not offended by this, particularly the people we are trying to talk to," Mr Morrison told ABC radio.

He said he was not upset by the ban and hoped that publicity surrounding it would provide a further boost for the campaign.

"Everything helps," Mr Morrison said.

Mr Morrison said the ban, which applied only to the use of the word "bloody" on commercial television, was "a marketer's dream".

"The PR (public relations) that will be driving the campaign in the UK next week is going to be unprecedented," he said.

"We would have preferred the ad to run the way we first made it, but we can still run it the way it is cut now, which says 'Where the hell are you?'," Mr Morrison said.

"It is not as if it is not going to be shown on UK television.

"It will be shown. It will just have that slight adjustment to it.

"It will be run in its original format on the internet, in cinemas and everywhere else."

The campaign will be officially launched in the UK on Monday.

©AAP 2006

Chucky's back

2006-03-08T20:00:00.000+10:30

I just wrote the first line of my new play.

Some of you will sigh "not again" and "will she ever learn"
Some of you will show blind excitement

For me I've finally realised what I have been doing wrong all these years (apart from the fact that I can't write to save my life).

So look out because Chuck's Masterpiece is well going to be a masterpiece.

2006-03-08T19:09:00.000+10:30

What is madness?

A misunderstanding or a security blanket for those who don't wish to understand the world.

Does madness exist or are we all as mad as each other.

How can you define madness in this mad, mad world of ours.

Am I Mad?

Today

2006-03-07T00:21:00.000+10:30

I am embarassed to say that my last couple of rants have some really awful spelling and grammatical errors which I apologise for - I was ranting rather hurriedly what more can I say.

It's all over red rover

2006-03-07T00:14:00.000+10:30

Why can't we have a good old apocylpse to liven things up!

Screw society

2006-03-06T17:24:00.000+10:30

That's right, why should I be boxed in by what's socially acceptable, life is mundane enough without the added pressure of being compliant!

I think I have to change

2006-03-06T12:29:00.000+10:30

because I think I am starting to hate myself and there comes a point where you cannot get away with any of it.

I'm turning into one of those sad middle aged freaks that still think they can prance around like they are 21 desperate to get some kind of recognition that they've still got it, when in actual fact they lost it long ago.

I think my problem stems from the fact that MOST of my friends are younger than me and hence can still get away with it.

I need to find some maturity and quite frankly, although I am scared, enter the next phase of adulthood which sees me as a responsible member of society who choses to leisurely sip wine at a cafe and discuss important issues like current affairs with one's nose in the air.

(my sentances are long - tough luck!)

It is time for me to cast aside those drunken ways in favour for a boring life making sandwiches, doing laundry and reading the Australian which my cappuchino and poached eggs.

I don't think I can do it - I think I'm going to turn 40 and still be trying to justify why I haven't grown up!

I need to grow up! but I wasted so much of my youth either being afraid or celebant or a freak or obsessed with some idiot here and there who couldn't care less about me.

I didn't spend enough time having fun and now I find that I'm too old to have the fun and I can here the mutters of "who does she think she is? so 20 year old!"

**cringes**

Geez louise I want my youth back!!!!

Why can't we change the dance.

2006-03-06T12:28:00.000+10:30

I had a very drunken argument with a friend on Friday night, although I’m not sure if friend is the right word for us (our relationship is thoroughly screwed up, always has been and probably always will be). Now I can’t remember much of this argument, snippets here and there, but nursing my head Saturday morning I realized that we had just done the “dance” again.

Now why we argue, I haven’t got a clue but I can tell you when we argue – after copious amounts of alcohol.

So now I am at that stage (again) where I avoid the person and probably will for a good few months, until we get back to that comfortable stage before we argue again.

Why do I do it? I really don't know except for the fact that I think I'm just really screwed up!

Footnote

It was suggested to me that I was projecting my anger and hurt at finding out another good friend was back in town and I didn't know about - this is very possible as I was drunk and incredibly hurt and finding this out.

This of course then got me to thinking - what if every time I have had an argument with my friend (and they are the only person I seem to argue with) is because I am projecting!

Well then I was feeling incredibly awful and suddenly realised I was an absolutely horrible shitty friend and quite frankly would blame the person if they never spoke to me again.

And then I thought maybe I do it because I know they WILL speak to me again.

Hence, it is time to stop this vicious cycle and be nice cause they deserve it and I'm lucky to have them as a friend.

Times they are a changing

2006-03-06T12:13:00.000+10:30

I have decided that a change is in order with my blog.

It is time I said something important!

I mean who is really interested in the "got nothing to say" posts that I make.

Yes, the times they are a changing!

Fringe 2006

2006-02-26T23:55:00.000+10:30

The opening of the Adelaide Fringe was on Friday 24th at this is the first Fringe, since discovering the festival, that I have not been involved.

the startling thing is that I have no pangs of regret about not getting involved in some respects I'm relieved that I am not going through it for another year.

I intend to see a couple of plays, take a trip to the Garden of Unearthly Delights and then let the Fringe pass me by in quiet indifference.

Will I do Fringe 2008 - now that is the billion dollar question!!!

Blogtastic

2006-02-26T23:50:00.000+10:30

I have recently updated "Blogtastic" located on the sidebar of this blog.

Special mention should be made to Audrey and the Bad Apples at www.audreyapples.blogspot.com go and have a squiz!

CB Out

Blog Ahoy

2006-02-26T23:32:00.000+10:30

I am now a member of another blog: http://girlychitchat.blogspot.com/ feel free to visit **Girlie Content Warning**

The Muppet Show

2006-02-12T18:46:00.000+10:30

So raise your hands if you loved "The Muppet Show"

Last weekend I celebrated my 29th birthday in Muppet style with all my guests rocking up as a character from that marvellous show!

It was a brilliant night with everyone getting into the spirit of it (although most weren't fans of the show).

Now I am living my 30th year and loving every minute of it.

HELP!

2005-12-09T09:04:00.000+10:30

I need help - I am trying to put together a playlist of music for the wedding reception and well I am falling short of great songs to dance to - so it is time for you all to have your say.

What music gets you on the dance floor?

List as many as you want - the more the better!

Get responding people and help a fellow buddy in desperate need!

Chuckles out :)

I'm Exited!!

2005-11-30T10:44:00.000+10:30

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire will be on a cinema screen in 1 day!!!!!

Intersections

2005-11-24T10:13:00.000+10:30

This morning I suffered a barrage of mimed abuse after I got stuck part way out of an intersection (wanting to turn right). The chick in front waited so long to go that she ended up turning on the red light and I was stuck as traffic whizzed across me. Of course I was now blocking one lane and those not so happy campers would rather I drove into the oncoming traffic than hold them up for more than five minutes.

Did I do the right thing?

And roadrage really sucks!

This has done the rounds but still trips me out!

2005-11-17T16:01:00.000+10:30

Typoglycemia

Believe it or not you can read it .I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mni d Aoccdrnig to rscheearch taem at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Scuh a cdonition is arppoiately cllaed Typoglycemia :)-Amzanig huh? Yaeh and yuo awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt

Defence Secretary Donald Rumsfeld comes to Adelaide

2005-11-16T10:13:00.000+10:30

Read the article:
http://www.abc.net.au/news/newsitems/200511/s1507345.htm

I think it is ridiculous that we are closing down streets in Adelaide, including part of North Terrace in front of the Hyatt where Mr Rumsfeld is staying, for a two day period. Quite frankly, I feel that we should protest against THIS rather than the war as it is perposterous that major street arteries are closed down for one US official! If a terrorist wanted to attack the guy closing a couple of streets down isn't going to prevent that.

Also it's even more ridiculous that he is going to have an Australian security contingent of 500! Again if a terrorist wanted to attack this guy do you really think 500 officers are going to stop him - they will merely prolong the inevitable by acting as a human shield.

If anything we are exacerbating the situation by giving credence to the idea that the American government is the ruler of the world and perpetuating the arogance that the US Government already has.

It is a further nail in our coffin of identity as the Australian government yet again prostrates itself at America's feet.

Where's our backbone and do we really need America for is it not just a crumbling empire - as history dictates all empire's rise and fall and America is now on the downward slop towards obscurity thanks to George W Bush.

Your rights at work

2005-11-15T10:26:00.001+10:30

The worker's of Adelaide marched today in protest of John Howard's new Industrial Relations act. All the unions were represented with bold banners as a mob of a few thousand strong walked peacefully up and down King William Street. The most disruption would have to have been when the protestors began to chat "Howard is a wanker", which caused police to frown and on-lookers to chuckle in amusement.

This kind of rowdy but peaceful protest will probably fall on deft ears especially Mr Howard's who is the architect of this 'not so fair' act. However, we the public need to take on some of the responsibility as we re-elected the little man!

And for those of us who didn't - well we're going to also suffer for the mass population's misjudgement or fear of trying something new.

I say next election - let's all vote green because that will make headlines worldwide!

Flightplan

2005-11-12T22:41:00.000+10:30

I went to see the new Jodie Foster flick. I'm not even going to write alot about this one - just simply say that it was average and not worth the price of a ticket.

CB stands for Charlie Brown.

2005-11-10T16:41:00.000+10:30

say hello to CB

WARNING Terrible humour to follow

2005-11-10T11:03:00.000+10:30

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger."

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other andsays, "Dam"

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse! "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain. They name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ... (Oh, man, this is so bad,
it's good)..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

River torrens after the rain

2005-11-09T13:13:00.000+10:30

Here are some pictures of the river torrens after the heavy rains we had.

The whale is from a christmas display that got washed away.

You may recall

2005-11-08T12:47:00.000+10:30

Some of you may recall (way back when) that I made a bold challenge to myself to read all the books on the top 100 Angus & Robertson book list.

Well several months later and I have put down the "Catcher in the Rye" (the 1st book) indefinately.

Although my sister will balk at this next sentence and of course try to convince me otherwise - I did not particularly like the book and really don't see how it has earned cult status.

Perhaps it has something to do with chinese whispers and people blindly accepting that this book is listed amongst the greats.

To sum up the book and the story bored me.

There I have gone against the grain yet again - and now I prepare myself for the bitter replies!

Hypochondria and fear

2005-11-08T12:42:00.000+10:30

If you haven't yet had a chance to visit Red Heads Do It Better be quick smart about it as there are several new posts including a piece of Hypochondria and fear which we may all find of interest.

Chuckles out!

And everyone shall be happy.

2005-11-08T12:40:00.000+10:30

my friend lil'kim has been getting all flustered because I haven't updated and just the other day demanded I post something new as she tired of the "Explode" magazine cover.

So lil'kim this is just for you!

stress relief of the net:
http://www.users.on.net/~ianp/bubblewrap.swf

Enjoy

Explode Magazine

2005-10-23T20:29:00.000+09:30

Futher to my sister's post on her blog http://elledit.blogspot.com/ with regards to "Explode Magazine" I found the following pic!

Also check out the synopsis of the magazine here:

http://www.pacificpubs.com.au/display.cfm?objectid=BFB3440E-F9E9-430A-81A6F15F0B910D88&navid=6F620375-EB94-46AD-88808D62620697B7

What do you "boys" feel about a lifestyle magazine for the teens? Would you have read it when you were 12-17 years of age?

Redheads do it better

2005-10-23T20:25:00.000+09:30

Hello all,

This is just a quick plug for my sister's blog http://elledit.blogspot.com/ which I encourage you all to visit.

Although it is fairly new she's already got some interesting discussion point - so have a read!

Bloody, bloody, bloody!

2005-10-18T16:09:00.000+09:30

I had a semi heated discussion the other night with a friend of mine over recent events with regards to mutual friends of ours being screwed around by another mutual friend of ours.

Out of that conversation I suddenly had the following question - "why is it that when a friend treats you badly and you stand up for yourself and say "NO MORE OF YOUR CRAP" - why is it you become the bad guy and the individual who showed little respect for you happens to get himself an entourage of supporters who cry "How could you do this to one of your friends".

I'm sorry but when a friendship is abused why should we have to bloody well turn the other cheek only to get that one slapped as well. Ever consider that these so called friends are probably just manipulating the situation in their favour.

Relationships

2005-10-18T13:59:00.000+09:30

I get so tired and frustrated with relationships. Everyone mad about something, miscommunication rampant, people judging, passing criticsm, trying to encourage the decisions that you make.

The biggest emotion is always anger - you spend so much time angry that you forget why you're angry to begin with.

Family can be difficult, friends can be difficult - all are pulling your strings until you are torn apart, stuffing fallen out and no longer fun to play with anymore.

Ulterior motives - that's what I hate the most!

My week off - final update

2005-10-18T13:48:00.000+09:30

I had so much fun during my week off that I forgot to aprise you all of what was happening. So I will provide a brief run down.

Tuesday - did absolutely nothing (incredibly fun!)
Wednesday - Spoke with friend on the phone and decided not to do Fringe 2006, started planning my wedding, went shopping, met the girls for dinner and drinks, played some pool.
Thursday - Got my hair coloured and cut, went to short theatre meeting (drank beer to get me through it), went to karaoke (drank more beer so i could sing), went home.
Friday - went to a friend's house for an impromptu karaoke session - drank more beer.
Saturday - went to lazerforce and did lazer skirmish (heaps of fun), went to a friends for drinks, went to gawler and had dinner with my mother, then saw a movie.
Sunday - did absolutely nothing (marvelleous).

That's pretty much it.

My week off

2005-10-10T19:08:00.000+09:30

So I have this week off - WITH VERY BIG PLANS!!!!

I intend to paint the town several different colours on several different nights.

It's time for Charlie to let her hair down and have a little fun without having to contemplate getting up the next morning.

Today - Day 1 of vacation:

Dan and I took a lovely stroll in the Botanic Gardens (looking at possible ceremony sites) - Very disappointing and definately not worth the wopping $470 that they charged for 2 hours!

Then Dan and I took a stroll in Veale Gardens (which also hire for ceremonies) - much nicer and the price is even nicer at only $108 for 1.5 hours. So we are going to attempt to hire that.

We then went for ice cream

walked around the plaza (and I had the worst slice of cake - YUCK!)

I bought steaks for tea and now I'm sitting typing this.

stay tuned for tomorrow's exciting debrief on looking through patterns at lincraft!

Wedding Movies

2005-10-10T19:01:00.000+09:30

I went to the video store yesterday cause I was miserable and fancied watching movies with the girls - well unbeknownst to me I picked up four movies about weddings (Dan got a huge laugh out of this along with Heather and Kim).

So I sat and watched all eight hours - had a good cry and then started planning the social event of the year - MY WEDDING!!!

On a much brighter note

2005-10-04T14:24:00.000+09:30

Something very exciting is happening three days prior to the end of 2005.

I'll let you all guess what it is!

For those of you who already know - don't spoil my fun!

Garbage

2005-09-30T10:09:00.000+09:30

Last night I went and saw Garbage at the Festival Theatre. I am a huge Garbage fan and this is not the first concert of theirs I’ve been to – this was my fourth – obsessive maybe but I love their music.

Wow! Is the best way to describe the Garbage experience, they don’t need to rely on an over the top light show, dancers cluttering up the stage, big bangs and synthesized sounds. This is music in its purist form – the band playing and the singer singing. It was minimalist and the crowd loved it, hanging on Shirley’s every word sung and spoken.

The fans converged on the festival theatre (odd venue in my opinion) and once we were all seated the lights dimmed and the fans rose from their seats (like a Mexican wave) – Garbage had a standing ovation for the length of their performance, not one person remained seated. When the anticipation was hanging heavily in the air Garbage graced the stage and Shirley stood at the microphone shrouded in darkness. The fact we couldn’t see her didn’t stop us and the fans roared out their approval and when Shirley’s started to sing Queer the fans roared even louder.

The band had a good line-up, we got to hear songs off the new album live for the first time, but we also got to hear our old favourites like, “Only happy when it rains”, “I think I’m Paranoid” and “Cherry Lips”.

The fans loved every minute and we had a three song encore before Garbage disappeared backstage permanently.

The trouble with friends

2005-09-28T15:30:00.000+09:30

Much to my pal Pool God's chargrin - I have removed what was an incredibly angry bit of writing on a certain individual that I have crossed paths with.

If you didn't get the chance to read it - tough luck - but feel free to read the comments.

Honestly, I didn't feel comfortable leaving it up as it made me feel like i was sinking to the individual's level - which I really didn't want to do.

Lastly, it is time to move on and I've talked enough about this.

For all you feminists out there

2005-09-23T14:56:00.000+09:30

Not sure how true this all is but if it is true - what an absolute Hoot!

In Memphis, Tennessee, a woman is not to drive a car unless a man warns approaching motorists or pedestrians by walking in front of the car that is being driven.

In Georgia, it is against the law to slap a man on the back or front.

In Michigan, married couples must live together or be imprisoned.

Check out more strange laws here http://sbt.bhmedia.com/laws.html - there are some real weird ones!

Wizard of Oz - Bush Style

2005-09-23T14:44:00.000+09:30

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

2005-09-22T11:32:00.000+09:30

I received the following story from my work buddie and just had to pass it on as I thought it was rather humerous.

The tandem story
>
> Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus"
> offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix:
>
> The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a
> new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person
> will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right.
> As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a
> short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send
> another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then
> add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending
> another copy to me.
>
> The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on
> back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in
> order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking
> outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in
> the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been
> reached."
>
> The following was actually turned in by two of his English students:
> Rebecca and Gary.
>
> THE STORY:
> (first paragraph by Rebecca)
>
> At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
> chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home,
> now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times,
> that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep
> her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she
> thought about him so much her asthma started acting up again. So
> chamomile was out of the question.
>
> (second paragraph by Gary)
>
> Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron
> now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about
> than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with
> whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to
> Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar
> orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he
> could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and
> blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct
> hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
>
> (Rebecca)
>
> He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt
> one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who
> had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its
> pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.
> "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"
> Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously
> excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her
> youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no
> newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of
> innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one
> lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
>
> (Gary )
>
> Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
> Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched
> the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy
> peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty
> through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the
> hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race.
> Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships
> were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the
> entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their
> diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere
> unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine>
> headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
> inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.
>
> (Rebecca)
>
> This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
> writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
>
> (Gary)
>
> Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic
> whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh,
> shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F--KING
> TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads
> too many Danielle Steele novels!"
>
> (Rebecca)
>
> Asshole.
>
> (Gary)
>
> Bitch
>
> (Rebecca)
>
> F__K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!
>
> (Gary)
>
> Go drink some tea - W.H.OR.E..
>
> (TEACHER)
>
> A+ - I really liked this one.
>
>

Chameleon

2005-09-21T18:08:00.000+09:30

like a chameleon
I metamorphose
like so many times before
the colour underneath always the same
but the appearance seen by all
a mass of technicolour
continually changing
to be what they want me to be.

Always observing
taking note
of how to act
how to talk
how to be.

(by yours truly)

Untitled

2005-09-21T18:06:00.000+09:30

Had nothing to say,
that was strange,
I was speechless,
I walked away,
The rain camd own,
in slow heavy drops,
It hid your tears,
and I never looked back upon your face.

(by yours truly)

Yuck!

2005-09-21T18:02:00.000+09:30

seeing is believing,
can you believe when you are blind?
I can't believe my ears,
so the deaf know all truths?

Meh!

2005-09-21T17:57:00.000+09:30

you infuriate me
your twisted little game
i can't stand that smile on your face.

I hate humans!

2005-09-19T16:22:00.000+09:30

I've finally cracked and I don't think I'm capable of being nice to anyone right now. I'm especially not willing to entertain the thought of being nice to new people.

The human has a tendancy to stomp all decency out of other humans. We're just a downright unworthy lot who really should be exterminated for the good of the planet.

Humans suck!

Noodly Appendage

2005-09-16T11:36:00.000+09:30

dadadah

2005-09-15T14:51:00.000+09:30

You know how you get to thinking about things and well then you start tallying things up and then you just down right confuse yourself.

Well, I was sitting thinking about things and I was remembering this guy I sorta dated back in England and I started to think about star signs and then it dawned on me. I've always had a thing for the "Aries" man. Don't ask me why for even I can't explain it. But freaky fact, all but three of the men I dated, had crushes on, obsessed about dadadah were Aries men.

Try and explain this if you can!

appendices:

Here's a bit on the Aries star sign: http://www.astrology-online.com/aries.htm

here's a bit about my star sign: http://www.astrology-online.com/aquarius.htm

******

more on me! Does this sound familiar:

The Dark Side
The Aquarian personality can be chaotic and unpredictable, stubborn and rebellious, cranky and perverse. It is a sign which can be totally dedicated to being unconventional, whilst remaining stuck in a rigid, unrecognized pattern. It is also a sign which can become detached to the point of coldness, making it very difficult for ordinary mortals to relate to them. Aquarians do not care what the world thinks, however, so that social conventions are sometimes thrown out of the windows in favour of anarchy. The isolation this can sometimes bring can come as a surprise to them as they find it difficult to see how they might have behaved unreasonably.
(http://www.forplu.com/community/life&style/feature/horoscope/aquarius.htm)

A Quiet Beer with Rob Murray (Lion Nathan CEO)

2005-09-15T13:45:00.000+09:30

**I got this in my inbox from a work pal of mine and I told him I was adding it to my blog as part of the on-going Coopers discussion.

Q: Finally, if you don’t mind us asking, what is your favourite beer?

A: As a typical beer drinker, I tend to choose a different brand on different occasions. I love a Hahn Premium with food. I have become increasingly partial to a XXXX Gold. It’s great to be able to drink a mid-strength beer with real flavour.

There you have it, he has zero taste. Nay, negative taste. The first time I ever went to Queensland a couple of years ago, I went with Emma. Her dad and one of his mates made me drink a can of XXXX (Gold if I'm not mistaken) one day. It's was the worst thing I've ever tasted. It was literally piss.

Check out the rest here:
http://www.australianbeers.com/beers/interview/robmurray/rob.htm

Also check out this! Beer sizes in different states:
http://www.australianbeers.com/pubs/ordering/ordering.htm

A Loquacious Location of Lipograms

2005-09-15T13:35:00.000+09:30

http://phrontistery.info/lipogram.html

Have a read and then write a lipogram for my blog!

Let's have fun and see how many we can get.

There will also be a prize for the best one.

********

Here is my first attempt:

Of all said blogs in this world, only chuck’s is worthy of adulation!

********

Words of the week

2005-09-15T13:21:00.000+09:30

Last week's guess the word:

circumbilivagination
going around in a circular motion

*****

Now on with the letter D

deartuate
To dismember

diffibulate
To unbutton; to unbuckle

divinipotent
Having strong divinatory powers

devalgate
Bow-legged

dactylomegaly
Condition of having abnormally large digits

*****

And this week's GUESS THE WORD:

dapocaginous

*****

Insane!

2005-09-15T12:48:00.000+09:30

This has to be the craziest ride ever - would any of you have the guts to go on it?

http://www.geocities.com/charliefandango2004/Lastpicturesaysitall.doc

I certainly wouldn't!!

2005-09-15T11:56:00.000+09:30

I've finally hashed out a general plot for the little story I'm going to write! It's going to be so much fun.

Film fondue

2005-09-14T11:43:00.000+09:30

All you movie buffs out there should check out Film fondue - http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/film/filmfondue/

Illegal Immigrants Poem

2005-09-13T13:23:00.000+09:30

I got this poem in an email from Aunt today and thought I'd share it with you all.

Illegal Immigrants Poem

I cross ocean, poor and broke,
Take bus,
see employment folk.

Nice man treat me good in there,
Say I need to see welfare.

Welfare say, "You come no more,
We send cash right to your door."

Welfare checks, they make you wealthy,
Medicaid it keep you healthy!

By and by, I got plenty money,
Thanks to you, Australian dummy.

Write to friends in motherland,
Tell them 'come fast as you can.'

They come in turbans and Ford trucks,
I buy big house with welfare bucks

They come here, we live together,
More welfare checks, it gets better!

Fourteen families, they moving in,
But neighbor's patience wearing thin.

Finally, white guy moves away,
Now I buy his house, and then I say,

"Find more aliens for house to rent."
And in the yard I put a tent.

Send for family they just trash,
But they, too, draw the welfare cash!

Everything is very good,
And soon we own the neighborhood.
We have hobby it's called breeding,
Welfare pay for baby feeding.

Kids need dentist?
Wife need pills?
We get free!
We got no bills!

Australian crazy! He pay all year,
To keep welfare running here.

We think Australia darn good place!
Too darn good for the white man race.

If they no like us, they can scram,
Got lots of room in Pakistan.

Cooper's hostile takeover - update.

2005-09-13T11:09:00.000+09:30

Lion bid tests Coopers' eccentric brew
By Stephen Bartholomeusz
September 13, 2005

One of the more curious takeover contests is playing out in South Australia, where a $352 million hostile bid by Lion Nathan for the family-controlled unlisted public company Coopers Brewery could result in acceptors receiving substantially less than the $260-a-share bid price.
The outcome appears to have bemused some observers, who see it as a gross failure of corporate governance and view the behaviour of the Coopers' board, which is opposed to the takeover, as denying shareholders the opportunity to receive a generous price for their shares. Coopers is, however, no ordinary company and this is no conventional bid.
Coopers has an unusual constitution and capital and voting structure. It has four classes of shares with effectively differential voting rights. The A-class shareholders have a right to appoint two directors, as do B-class shareholders. D-class shareholders can appoint one director. C-class shareholders, who hold more than 91 per cent of the shares, get to vote (alongside the other classes of shareholders) on directors' appointments only if all existing directors support a nomination.
It isn't just the voting rights that are different. Coopers' articles provide that any shareholder who wants to sell their shares has to give the company notice of their intent and the price at which they propose to sell the shares. The board of Coopers has the right to find an existing shareholder, or a relative of a shareholder, willing to buy the shares. The buyer has the option of asking that company's auditor, now KPMG, to fix the transfer price at "fair value".
If Coopers can't find an eligible buyer, the shares must be offered to AMP, as trustee for the Coopers superannuation fund. If it declines, then Lion Nathan, under a deal with the company struck a decade ago, is entitled to buy the shares.
Or at least it was. This month, the South Australia Supreme Court, in a judgement Lion Nathan is appealing, held in favour of an application by Coopers to remove Lion Nathan's pre-emptive rights on the basis that control of Lion Nathan changed in 1998 when Japanese brewer Kirin took a 45 per cent stake, triggering provisions in the agreement.
The eccentric provisions of Coopers' constitution are obviously defensive and designed to protect the Cooper family's control of the company. It is within the family's rights, given Coopers is unlisted, to have such a structure and, given the provisions are within the company's constitution, the board is obliged to observe them.
The defensive mechanisms do, however, have some consequences that in a listed environment would be regarded as unpalatable. They reduce liquidity and the prices shareholders can get for their shares by limiting the pool of potential buyers and because "fair value" in determining the sale price removes any strategic value for the shares.
The fair value approach will inevitably incorporate a discount for the limited liquidity, negotiability and absence of any potential control premium. That inevitably means the buyers are advantaged relative to the sellers.
Coopers has commissioned a valuation from KPMG to respond to the desire of a shareholder to sell to Lion Nathan. It is unlikely to produce a price of close to the $260-a-share bid, although Coopers' stellar performance in recent years means it will probably be multiples of the $45.01 a share at which KPMG last valued the shares in June 2003.
Nevertheless, any exercise of the first two rounds of pre-emptive rights will transfer value to either continuing family shareholders or the super fund.
Lion Nathan has tried to crash through the defensive screens around Coopers by offering a demonstrably generous (some analysts say too generous) price. It would be possible, with the approval of 75 per cent of shareholders voting, to alter the constitution and allow the Lion Nathan bid to be put to shareholders.
The core family groups have, however, made it clear that they have no intention of putting the company into play or doing anything other than resist Lion Nathan's bid.
Should the bid flush out masses of potential sellers, the defences - or, rather, the family's financial capacity - will be tested.
The company is apparently virtually debt-free and experiencing spectacular growth, so it is possible its balance sheet and cash flows could be tapped, directly or indirectly, to help take loose shares out of circulation. More likely, the family could borrow against the shares acquired - there is said to have been no shortage of financiers at their doors.
Coopers' board has commissioned a second valuation, from Grant Samuel, for its response to the Lion Nathan bid.
That valuation, presumably a conventional independent expert's report, may well put a price tag on the group above the Lion Nathan offer. That could complicate the board's efforts to convince aspiring sellers that the KPMG valuation does reflect fair value.
If it doesn't, or if Lion Nathan were subsequently to raise its offer to the level of value Grant Samuel places on the business, the confusion over Coopers' governance would get even more muddled and contentious.
The company's constitution effectively protects it from takeover regardless of price.
The directors, however, won't want to have to say that the company isn't for sale at any price, no matter how fair or full.

The blue couch

2005-09-10T18:10:00.000+09:30

I found this image amongst my archived files and boy did it bring back memories!

Video store

2005-09-10T17:54:00.000+09:30

Sahara

Yes, it's true, I hired this movie and for something that tries to describe itself as an "Indiana Jones" type it is far from that.

It was down right boring and Matthew McConaughey is no Indiana Jones! I hate to say it but National Treasure with Nicolas Cage was more enjoyable.

But then as we have learnt from studios trying to compete with each other, the first one always is the best! Hence, why Indiana Jones will always outshine anything that comes after it.

If you want to see some treasure hunting and a gorgeous guy doing it then don't bother with this one as it will only disappiont.

This is no adventure.

1/2 star

Weird

2005-09-10T17:20:00.000+09:30

the room is upside down,
the building spinning round and round,
the city jumps up and down,
whilte the planet rolls along the ground.

A cat smokes a fag,
in the corner of the room,
people order cyanide,
while an oyster works its loom.

(by yours truly)

The night that turns into day

2005-09-10T17:12:00.000+09:30

the light stabs at the doorway,
penetrating the darkness within.

Eyes peering and the music thumping,
the heavy, monotonous backbeat,
becoming one with your pumping heart.

The vibrations work through the body,
reaching the soul with one amazing rush.

Aderenalins released,
you feel power at your fingertips,
suddenly courageous.

You sip the sweet nectar,
that brings you to this place.
you pace yourself,
the pace getting faster and faster,
as the night turns into day.

You have a confidence,
lacking in everyday life.

Then you stumble, fall and vomit in the gutter.

(by yours truly)

Spam

2005-09-07T12:38:00.000+09:30

Due to the increased number of spam I have been receiving and I have decided to try the word verification method of blocking unwanted spammer comments from this blog.

Feel free to comment on this new format.

Quiz Night - Final Update!

2005-09-07T09:52:00.000+09:30

Okay the members of "The Plan 9's" is:

Lil Kim
Jazzy Hev
Chuckles
Lexx
Jess
Pablo
Bretsky
Kimb

This is final and no further changes will be made!

Blackouts

2005-09-06T15:19:00.000+09:30

I've come up with a great little theory to do with alcoholic induced blackouts!

I reckon that "normal chuckles" drinks too much alcohol then passes out allowing "evil subconcious chuckles" to take over "normal chuckles'" body hence getting into mischief and mayhem unbeknownst to "normal chuckles" who then has to suffer.

I like this!

Clusterfuck nation

2005-09-06T15:17:00.000+09:30

this is a great blog so check it out:
http://jameshowardkunstler.typepad.com/clusterfuck_nation/

The Onion

2005-09-06T14:42:00.000+09:30

This is a satirical piece written on George W Bush just after he became President.

A bit scary. . .

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28784

Quiz Night Update - The Plan 9's

2005-09-06T10:43:00.000+09:30

Okay, as much as I like being popular I seem to have accumulated more than 8 people for my table. The list currently stands at:

Jazzy Hev
Lil Kim
Kimb
Lexx
Jess
Brettsky
Pablo
Pool God
Chuckles
Jazzy Hev's main squeeze (likely to bail according to Jazz)

As you can see I have two extra so who would like to move to King Freddie's team who currently only have 3 team members.

The choice is yours!

(of course this could backfire horribly with all of you wishing to join King Freddie's team!)

Quiz Night

2005-09-05T11:39:00.000+09:30

Well it looks as though my team for quiz night is being shuffled around a bit.

with Pablo and Brettsky being moved to King Freddie's table for reasons I am not willing to mention in this blog!

which will leave pool god as the only male - will understand if you decide to drop out pool god!